Where it's White and Cold

I miss our Russian forest, covered with fluffy, white snow and frozen, tall trees. The aloofness I would get when I'd breath in the cold air. The way my footsteps settle on the colorless snow after each step. After those steps, my shoes would make nose and I would make music in my head with every step, like it's a beat. The way I always knew that my nose was red because it felt felt frosen. The little tingles would cover up my skin after being outside for too long. The feel of a hard snowball on my shoulder thrown by some laughing kid behind me. The energy of a bright and sunny but ever so frosty day. The snowflakes that I would catch with my eyelashes. I miss all of that so much. If it starts snowing outside right now, I would go run across our front lawn and get wet!
I have a memory I would like to share. I was eleven then. It was on a January, the coldest month in Russia. Very cold, but sunny with clear sky. We were all dressed warm, because the temperature dropped at night even lower than the day before. Waking up, I looked out the window from the top bunk bed and instead of seeing what's outside, I saw frost. 

It made pretty picture on the window. One of my favorite mornings to wake up to. To see different picture every morning. This morning, I made hills, trees, birds, mountains, and clouds.

            I looked down from my bunk bed to see if Lena was still sleeping. Her face looked like newborn child. Her short curls seem to be sleeping too, lying peacefully on a white pillow, circling her neck. Her eyelashes didn’t make a twitch.  Her full lips were slightly open and I could almost hear her deep breathing. Her hands were above her head, palms up.  I watched her small body lay motionless on her back, like a little, white kitten resting in the sun. Except it was winter and cold, and even though Lena was called kitten, she acted a lot more tough and brave than a kitten.

            I put my head back on my pillow, closing my eyes. I’m wide awake though, thinking. Soon they’ll come to wake us up for breakfast, then we’ll have to do dishes, next comes the outside activity, then lunch which leads to a three hour nap, desert, outside, movie, and sleep. This is how all of our days were when we had two week break from school. It was all about a routine and order and control. And anyways, it’s not like I had a break from school since it was right across the field. The bad memories from school came to me every time I saw the school, which is every time we went out.  And, even though I wasn’t doing any school work, the memories gave me the same headache.

            Blah. I stretch and the old bed squeaks. I’m usually really careful not to wake Lena up, because she needs to get a lot of sleep being only seven-years-old. But, right now I’m feeling lazy and I want to hurry up and go eat so I can get some energy in me. And for us to go and eat breakfast, people need to start waking up so adults can hear us from the kitchen and realize that we are getting restless.  I know it’s a little selfish, but it also is not, because I know that Lena must be having a bad dream. She always does. I hear her each night, moving from side to side, until her body is too worn out to move anymore and stops moving. But dreams don’t stop. Because then she makes terrible noises that make me cover up my ears. Other kids don’t pay attention to this. They are all used to sleeping with at least seven kids in the room. Pretty soon you get used to all of the snoring, coughing, sneezing, talking, you name it. But, Lena is my sister, I care for her so much that whenever she’s in pain, it kind of hurts me too. I protect her from bullies; I try to make her feel better when she has a bad day. I love her. And so, this means staying up worrying about her dreams is natural.